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Post by Bellatrix on Dec 13, 2020 18:33:00 GMT
Trying to get my head round something or a type of behavior, can anyone help?
When you're talking to someone close about someone else who is close (in a nice way) and they consistently say things like " I already know, they told me that ages ago" or "have you only just found out, they told me weeks ago" and "we're always on the phone laughing all the time" or "yes I've known for months but they asked me not to tell" etc etc. I don't mean they do this now and again, I mean a lot, even when it's not necessary to say it.
What would you think is the motive behind this behaviour?
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Post by magggzzz on Dec 13, 2020 18:51:55 GMT
It seems to me like she’s saying that she’s closer to these other people than you are. It’s like she’s saying that these people like her better than they like you. I’m assuming it’s a she. I noticed you were deliberately gender neutral.
Even if these things are true there really is no need to say it. I mean things like this are bound to slip out occasionally but most people wouldn’t make a big point of saying this.
I read a book recently about narcissism. It sounds a bit like this. Someone who is constantly putting others down. It can be mild or it can be serious. Maybe they can’t help themselves but it doesn’t sound like something a good friend would do.
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Post by Bellatrix on Dec 13, 2020 19:02:57 GMT
Thank you Magggzz, I really appreciate your honest point of view. I got a whiff of "I'm more important than you in this persons life" wasn't sure if I was over thinking it and being silly. I'm surprised to get this from this particular person and wondering why.
Sorry to be all cloak and dagger, I'm not upset or anything just a bit puzzled with the attitude.
Narcissism... interesting.
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Post by Bellatrix on Dec 13, 2020 19:03:58 GMT
Would you think the person displaying this behaviour is an insecure person themselves or quite confident?
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Post by vwcamperfan on Dec 13, 2020 19:40:12 GMT
It sounds like that person is a little insecure and maybe sees you as a perceived threat to that friendship? Its like kids in the school playground saying 'she's MY best friend'.
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jax2
Junior Member
Posts: 991 
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Post by jax2 on Dec 13, 2020 19:42:41 GMT
I agree with the comments already made, you know when you see two dogs and the bigger one puts it's head on the neck/head of the smaller one as if to exert their superiority - that's what it makes me think of!
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Post by Lancashire Lass on Dec 14, 2020 8:13:18 GMT
Agree with all comments above. Something definitely not right if said person behaving like this often. I might potentially feel upset if someone was behaving like that unless it was my daughters because might expect the other to tell me something they already knew. Glad it doesn’t upset you Bellatrix. It’s his/her problem not yours.
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Post by Bellatrix on Dec 14, 2020 15:55:17 GMT
Thank you all, much appreciated. As I said, not upset but quite curious for the need for it to be pointed out so much 
Interesting comment you made Jax about the dogs. I never knew that, always thought that was just an affectionate thing between dogs.
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Post by magggzzz on Dec 14, 2020 19:09:52 GMT
It was quite a while ago a friend who had narcissistic parents gave me this book. I passed it on to a friend and I can’t remember the title. All I remember was that it was little more than a thick pamphlet.
She had a terrible relationship with her mother but ended up being a Carer for her. I met her at the Carers society. She told me quite a lot about her mother behaviour and I found some of the things she said were similar to my own relationship with my mum. It wasn’t really applicable though.
I just remember a few of the characteristics the book talked about and always having to be better than others was one of them.
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Post by trisha on Dec 14, 2020 19:51:52 GMT
B, it's sounds like the person concerned is green with jealousy.
Just say that you are really happy that he/she has such a lovely friendship with the other person.
Please try to not let it upset you. We all think that you are lovely. As
Trisha
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jax2
Junior Member
Posts: 991
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Post by jax2 on Dec 15, 2020 9:26:14 GMT
The dog thing is a bit like international world leaders and their hand-shakes, they want to have their hand on top so it looks like they're in control |
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Post by Bellatrix on Dec 15, 2020 11:55:33 GMT
Thank you all it's all interesting stuff. I'm fine thank you Trisha, more curious than bothered, found it all quite silly and childish 
Your'e a mine of information Jax, I didn't know about the handshaking thing either, i'm going to watch how people shake hands now too  |
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